AlterNet’s Andy Wright wrote awhile back about The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas. The article made me curious about what we women were up to and what their motivations were. The list Andy gave was:

1. Vaginal Deodorant
2. Douching
3. Vaginal Rejuvenation
4. Labiaplasty
5. Vagina Mints
6. Vaginal Bleaching & Dying

What is interesting about the article is that we are willing to beautify an area of the body that, let us say, four people see regularly: You, Your Partner, Your baby and Your Gynecologist. Which one of these people is concerned about whether or not your vagina is in tiptop runway condition?

As far as the smell is concerned (deodorant/douching), if you want to avoid wafting, spray a good expensive perfume like you normally would and you can walk around in a cloud of flowers or fruit most of the day. If the smell is powerful enough to permeate this cloud of perfume, there may be a medical issue going on. I am not a medical professional, but I know that there are signs your body gives to tell you something is wrong. It would be better to be aware of an offensive odor and figure out the reason for the odor instead of covering it up and staying in denial.

Vaginal rejuvenation and labiaplasty turn out to be popular after having kids. I know there can be medical problems that require these procedures and those are NOT what I am referring to here. I am talking about the elective and cosmetic use of this procedure. For the elective cosmetic procedures, I wonder, at what point do we look at our vagina and say they are not up to par? Who are we comparing our vaginas to that makes us feel so incredibly insecure to electively undergo a surgery in this most personal of areas?

Alternatively, what is it that drives us to bleach or dye our vaginas or anus! Ladies, it makes me wonder if we are looking too much or have run out of other viable ways to spend our time and money that this is what we are electing to do. I can see a need if showing off your nether bits is required for your chosen profession, and I would love to have that conversation another day. If we are putting our vaginas out there for the world to see who dictates the standards of beauty that we aspire to and desire?

Mints! I know there are goodies out there; I have a friend who sells them. There are other options besides inserting foreign objects. What happened to mouthwash? Why mints? Who came up with these?

Are women worried about how you will look giving birth? Your baby certainly does NOT care what your vagina looks like in labor. I remember watching a show and there was an expectant mother close to her due date. She was asking for the full work-up. She wanted waxing, pedicure, the whole nine yards of vaginal/feet preparedness for baby’s birth. Admittedly, I got a pedicure before my second, it was for me and it was my only time.

I know the vanity and that insecurity of going in there to the stirrups and thinking, “They are all looking at me and judging me!” After three, they are not, they should not be and your baby could care less. Our babies are not interested in the way our vaginas smell, look or taste. They are more interested in the way you and your body, smell and tastes to some extent. Having babies may cause us to want to seek out "vaginal rejuvenation," because of the stretching of normal birth or the damage of episiotomy, but talk to your doctor about the options other than surgery, like vaginal massage and exercise.

As far as your doctor is concerned, I do not think that the extremes are necessary to give your doctor something to look at. S/he sees your vagina once a year and wants to see what is going on health-wise, not that you got heart shaped pubic hair, a fresh vajazzle or bleaching. Doctors, if I am wrong, please let me know. Some maintenance grooming, but overall they should not be judging us on the superficial appearance of our vaginas. If they are, whose interests are they looking out for anyway? You have a whole year before you have to make eye contact again.

I know someone will read this and think I am completely against anything outside of regular grooming. To clarify, I am not anti-beauty, anti-enhancement or anti-modification. (The ethics of body modification is for another post). In this instance, we are electing here to manipulate and modify our vaginas to achieve beauty in an area that very, very few people will see unless it is part of your profession. I support women taking steps with our bodies and find it truly fascinating.

Pushing the limits of beauty and perfection requires us to ask questions about not just what we are doing, but why. Such as why we want to push the limits and reach for the ideal, what are we willing to go through, for whom, and at what potential expense? I would love to hear where the influence is coming from, from the self, others or society. Since there is a power and control in modifying our bodies I imagine there also comes a change in our self-esteem when we change something so personal. We can take the reigns over nature and make ourselves be what we see in our minds. Ultimately, what are we trying to achieve, where are we going, what do we want and why?