Google's Creepy Patent to Automate Your Social Media Voice
Evan Selinger
2013-12-10 00:00:00
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Google’s already accustomed to predicting how our collectively sordid minds fill in blanks. In an age of “hyperintermediation,” it was just a matter of time before Google proclaimed it was aspiring to automate our social interactions, perhaps, ultimately, directing our email, instant messages, and texts, too.  





In one sense, Google’s plan is old hat. Silicon Valley has long elevated efficiency to the highest social ideal and been guided by the mistaken conviction that the key to happiness lies in eliminating obstacles that impair productivity.





In another sense, Google’s patent takes Silicon Valley’s disregard for classical values and virtues to a new level of obnoxiousness. Using it for lightweight social interactions—cooing over the 500th baby photo posted by a friend—would be one thing. But imagine using the response prompting software to generate a choice phrase that tells your brother “you’re” sad he has cancer. Or, considering folks using it to extend “their” congratulations for other people’s accomplishments—getting promoted, married, or making a life-changing decision.





Patent applications don’t always lead to anything. The Patent Office might take years to make a decision, and we don’t know what judgment it will render. Even if Google is issued a patent, the project could very well become a bust due to artificial intelligence barriers preventing the software from being developed, or folks having the good sense to find the service absurd. And, of course, we don’t know that Google actually intends to build the technology. Just because Google is unhappy about being patent trolled over Android doesn’t mean isn’t willing to play the competitor blocking game. But the very desire to automate personal sentiment through plagiarized algorithmic authorship exemplifies disregard for too many things: the art of conversation, the sincerity of conviction, the effort required to make caring gestures, and, frankly, the respectful acknowledgement that underlies meaningful gestures of etiquette.

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